So whenever I write it ain’t about good things huh, maybe it’s true that bad things in your life somehow inspire you to write. The difference here is that it’s doubtful fame will come my way for that. Damn.
Ok so I’ve noticed this the past couple of weeks. I have never been the best friend to have there’s no doubt in that. Not only the past few months I’ve been more rude and annoying than usual but also I’ve certainly pushed limits with both friends and close friends, all of them, which it started to be worrying.
It such a fucking step back in all I’ve been and all I’ve wanted to be as a person. My self-steam has always been little to inexistent for a lot of reasons, one of them being how deeply annoying I now I can get when you get to know me well. When I thought I was developing a good trait (being able to be less shy and a little careless) it was backfired by how much this enhanced my annoying talkative, too rude self. I have been able to perceive its effects so damn much lately. From looks to small comments and even some passive agressive responses.
The thing about me acting this way, the eternal problem, is that even when I can feel myself being annoying, being rude af I CAN’T STOP, not sure why. These are the moments where you start to believe in what the horoscopes tell you about your sign because as an Aries I’m supposedly impulsive and do not think much before I speak. Oh impulsiveness be damned. Weirdly when it comes to life in general I’m such an over-thinker in every way but when being too trustful with someone ahhhhhh brain stops working.
Not only its getting out of hand but also I don’t know what to do. Ok maybe I do but I can’t seem to bring myself to act differently. Rotten attitude been there for way too long is hard to remove. Consider I’m just talking generally because oh boy the stories I could tell you about how shitty I can get. All this years I just thought I had crossed paths with shitty people (which SURELY I HAVE THO) but didn’t realize I’ve been always quite shitty myself (or at least i hadn’t realized how shitty I am). What I find quite problematic is the fact that I’ve really pushed my closest friends away in one way or another because today we aren’t talking about the fact of me being awful at texting back and leaving people hanging for days.
Oh boy how the fuck people still talk to me
Conclusion? I’m so disappointed at myself and scared of what’s to come. I’ll update on this topic if needed.
At least I’m on vacations right? that’s good and also gives some friends time to be free of me.
Ok bye. Sloppy writer out.